I didn’t grow up celebrating Día de los Muertos. I wish it was something I had learned about with my mom, but instead, I found it as a way for me to remember her.
My mom passed away from cancer, three days before my oldest daughter’s first birthday. I was 33 years old and nowhere near ready to live life without the women who raised me and loved me unconditionally. Our family had already experienced so much loss. We had survived the loss of my 19-year-old brother and 16-year-old cousin when I was seven, my grandma (my mom’s mom) from Alzheimer’s when I was 10 and my 19-year-old niece when I was 27. We’d had so much loss, but no way that we collectively acknowledged or spoke about our losses.
A Book that Started Something
When my daughter was four and a half, we were at the library and found a book called Daniela’s Day of the Dead by Lisa Bullard. As we read the book, we learned about how to create an ofrenda. I started talking to Viv about what items we could use in our house to remember Grandma Lucy. Her navy apron with yellow flowers that she used to wear when cooking and her favorite perfume and body powder, White Shoulders. While shopping at Michael’s, I happened to find a few items for my first ofrenda, a beautiful calavera with flowers on top (one of my favorites items), a felt calavera and then I had found some mini paper gift bags with calaveras on them that I cut and made into a garland. It wasn’t pretty, but it came from the heart. Between the book and Elena of Avalor’s “A Day to Remember” (Season 1, Episode 9), we were learning together.
A Place at the Table
In addition to creating my first ofrenda that year, I also started a tradition of making a meal with some of mom’s favorite foods. I picked up some conchas from Jacobo’s, I made her famous banana bread and one of my favorite cakes she would bake, chocolate butterscotch bundt cake. I used some leftover enchilada halves, made sopa and cheated a little by picking up some refried beans from a Mexican restaurant. I pulled out the china I inherited from my mom and set the table with a tablecloth. Then we set a chair for her and made her a plate of food while we ate.
Remembering Those We Love
We also began going to the cemeteries to visit my mom and our loved ones. Most of my mom’s side of the family is in one cemetery, my brother and cousin, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my own baby from a miscarriage. My niece is at a different one. My kids go with me and I show them all the graves. We take flowers and pray for them. My mom always went to the cemetery, and I remember having a conversation with her that she expected that I would visit her when the time came. So I go. At Día de los Muertos, on the anniversary of her passing, on her birthday, on Mother’s Day.
Ten Years of Remembrance
I didn’t realize it was the beginning of a beautiful tradition that we would still be celebrating ten years later. It’s an emotional time for me as I put out the items that remind me of mom. There are photos of loved ones from my mom’s side of the family, my dad’s, and David’s side. So. Much. Loss.
As I cook and bake, I listen to mariachi music. The house smells like a Mexican restaurant, and it brings her closer to me in those moments. I remember her spending so much time in the kitchen. I had my parts to play: wrapping enchiladas in foil, mixing masa for tamales, and in later years, decorating the cakes she had baked and frosted. When I stand there for hours, cooking and doing dishes, and my legs ache, I remember how much more she did and how exhausted I already feel. She was the energizer bunny, always going and going. I know she wouldn’t feel sorry for me, lol, but that’s okay. It’s a time of love and remembrance.
I am so thankful that Viv and I encountered a special book that changed our lives. How fitting, since my mom and I shared a love for reading and visited that same library MANY times over the years. I trust that she was with me in that moment, still finding a way to guide me through my grief.
I can’t go back and learn this tradition alongside my mom, but I can share it with my children. And in the middle of the cooking, the music, the memories, and even the tears, I find that a little piece of her is still here with us.
Our ofrenda today has grown into a beloved family tradition, thoughtfully curated with meaningful pieces and photographs of the loved ones who have gone before us.
This year, I created a specific Día de los Muertos playlist on YouTube Music. As it turned out, the playlist was exactly as long as it took me to put up my ofrenda. I also put together a playlist of songs that remind me of Mom, which I look forward to listening to while cooking. They take me back to my childhood, when we would play records while cleaning the house. From Patsy Cline to Kenny Rogers, Eydie Gormé, and Elvis, those songs bring back memories of time spent together.
Resources for Remembering
The book that started it all.
Daniela’s Day of the Dead by Lisa Bullard.
This was the book Viv and I discovered at our local library that helped us learn about ofrendas and begin our family tradition.
Listen along on YouTube Music
I was able to put my ofrenda up this year to the length of this playlist. It’s a nice mix of pop, mariachi, and folk. The last song isn’t Mexican, but was played at the end of the beloved movie, La Bamba, about the life and death of a young Mexican American artist, Ritchie Valens, taken too soon. That movie reminds my family a lot of my brother and I feel that song in my soul when I hear it.
Songs that remind me of Mom
Growing up, we had these songs on records that my mom would play while we cleaned.
What songs would be on your playlist for your loved one(s)?
Recuerditos
In Mexican culture, we often give guests a little keepsake to remember a special occasion. So consider these free Día de los Muertos phone wallpapers a little reminder or recuerdito, from me to you.
I created these wallpapers as little reminders to pause and reflect on the seasons, traditions, and moments that matter to us. Whether it’s Día de los Muertos, Advent, Lent, or another meaningful time of year, I hope these designs bring a moment of reflection to your everyday life, right there on your phone.
To save your recuerdito, tap the wallpaper to open the full-size image. Then press and hold the image and select Save to Photos (iPhone) or Download image (Android).
¡Más, por favor! | More, Please
Looking for ways to introduce children to Día de los Muertos, explore Mexican traditions, or learn about ofrendas together? Here are a few books to explore.
For little ones
Where is? / ¿Dónde está? Mi Ofrenda
By Mariana Galvez · Ages 0–5 · Bilingual board book
Publisher: Lil’ Libros
This is a great starter book for littles if they are not old enough for Daniela’s Day of the Dead. The main character, Amelia, gathers special objects for her family’s ofrenda.
For food and culture
Little Monster, What Pan Dulce Do You Want?
By Ana C. Esparza · Ages 2–6 · Bilingual board book
Publisher: Lil’ Libros
This is such a fun little book. The narrator offers a group of little “monsters” different kinds of pan dulce—including conchas y orejas—but the monsters keep saying no until the right sweet bread is found. Lucy LOVED this book when she was little and saying “no gracias” and “Pan de Muerto!”
For a story on love and loss
Rosita y Conchita A Rhyming Storybook in English and Spanish
By Erich Haeger, illustrated by Eric Gonzalez and Erich Haeger · Grades 2 – 4 · Picture book
This is for early elementary. It tells the story of two sisters and their experience of celebrating Día de los Muertos apart, yet together. The first time my husband and I each read through this, we barely made it through. There were definitely tears with this one.
This was an emotional read for me. As I read Diana’s story of her relationship with her mom, I couldn’t help but think about my own mom and all the memories we made in the kitchen. My mom was an amazing cook and baker, and I have fond memories of mixing masa and cleaning hojas for tamales, shredding cheese and cutting foil for enchiladas, making Christmas cookies, and decorating cakes for family celebrations.
I learned a lot from her, but not enough. I will never be the cook and baker she was, but I do my best. Reading this book reminded me how much love can be shared through food and how the memories we make in the kitchen stay with us long after our loved ones are gone.
If you’ve lost your mom or another loved one, you may find yourself connecting with this story, too. Grief changes us, and the pain doesn’t simply disappear. We learn to live with it, even as some days are harder than others. This book was a beautiful reminder of the love, memories, and traditions we carry with us.
A little note: I’m a stock owner in Lil’ Libros. Supporting Latino-owned and Latino-founded businesses is important to me, and purchasing stock was one way I could support a company doing work I believe in. Two of the books I’ve included here are from their collection. I’m sharing them because I believe in the stories they’re telling and the importance of seeing our culture represented in children’s books.
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